| this blog finally came in handy.. I'm back here for only one reason... I needed to get away from how public my friendster blog was to type this.. and i can't hold it in.... thinking too much does this to me... Im not able to hold it in.. and since i can't get to steph... yes.. i shall expose it here. Where none of my friends know it's active. even more my family members... hell if strangers find it.. i don't care... i jsut don't want my family to be reading this... and some of my friends.
When you get with someone, you're bound to say "I love you" at some point. weather it's just to day and assure the person. Really meaning it. Or just to follow what your partner is saying. Here's the thing.. how do you know if you really mean it? What is love really? According to the bible... in 1 Chorinthians 13 : 4 - 7. I quote. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. So, if you miss out on one? say I'm jealous when my certain someone talk to a girl that likes him. I get worried that maybe, just maybe he might start to like her? Am I still in love? Do I still love this person? I'm beaing selfish aren't I? Though I'm sure... very very sure that he wouldn't do that to me. So why do I think about it? I'm suppose to trust him. Not worry bout it.
My heart says I love him. My mind says, just incase you don't, I mean think of it logically,the past two relationships didn't turn out that well. It DID however, end with me breaking it off, in 2 weeks. So, just incase, since everyone knows the kind of guy he is, caring, loving, loyal, and would practically die if I broke his heart. Don't ever ever break his heart if you have a choice.
The difference between all the guys I've liked and this one,
I think of no one else but him, 24/7. Right now I like no one but him. I would give up so much for him. You know how the bible goes someting like, If you love god enough, you would obey all the comandments, how bout now, if I love him enough, I listen, consider, try to change, just for him. I wouldn't hurt him even if people offered me loads of money. Waiting to see him one and a half week from now, is torture to me. I can't wait. For his msgs at night. time passes slowly when I think about messaging him at night. Sometimes so slow that I just msg him there and then, not able to wait anymore.
Where else, with the others, I always was able to think of that other person. Able to like another guy. wouldn't give up everytihng for them, woudln't care about half of what they told me to do, and surely wouldn't change for them. I would always be able to give that guy a whack on the back.. a hard one. And I could always wait, in fact, I didn't mind not seeing them for a while.
After all that I've listed above, Am I in love? Or is this a major crush?
And a huge problem I'm about to present to you. I'm not sure if my friend was just saying it to make me think loads and not want to get into this (coz we sort of know her for that if she gets jealous), or he actually said it, but according to her, he said he'd only tell a person he loves her if he's ready to marry her. to some extent, I like hearing that, but on the other hand, I wish it weren't true. It get's me abit worried, if he already means that at this age... you do the thinking.
Though I wish there was a way to know if I truely truely did love him. And that he truely truely did love me. I don't trust tests and words and forwarded msgs. I want to ask god to somehow show me, without ruining what going on between us. weather we're meant for each other or not?
Coz frankly, he's the best guy I've ever met. Caring, Sweet, Adorable, He's cute, Funny, Nice, and in every message I just... well.. feel so happy just knowing he msged me. He's loyal, woudn't hurt my feelings, trustworthy, there's so much bout him that I can't describe. I just go weak in the knees if ever he said someting sweet to me. |
<-- i hope that works..
